Three years ago today I had surgery to remove cancer from my body. Today, I am grateful more than ever of our technology. Hearing that you have cancer is one of the most frightening things that one could be told. I tried to keep my head high and not let it take me down. There were days that I didn’t know if I would make it through the day with a smile on my face but luckily I had great people who surrounded me and helped keep me going. I am thankful for these people not only for being there for me in 2008 but for being there for me now.
It has been a long three years of recovery. A day does not go by that I wonder when I can be back to “normal”. I think it is hard for those who have not gone through a major illness to realize how long it takes to recover. It seems that I take one step forward and then something happens and I take several steps back.
I have doctors tell me to keep my chin up and know that my body will just take a bit longer to recover than others since I was also pregnant right before my surgery and chemo/radiation treatments. It is difficult to not compare myself to others that I have met, I am constantly reminding myself that everyone is different and just because so and so was back and doing “normal” activities after one or two years doesn’t mean I will be the same.
The biggest trial for me is the fact that I don’t look sick, and the only time I did come across looking sick was during my chemo treatment. No hair sort of does that. Plus, I just looked horrible. Yes, I do look fairly healthy and normal now but please remember that a person can look healthy and normal and not be. It is more difficult and trying for a person if they are ill and look healthy. They need compassion and support more than ever and my friends and family have been just that. I appreciate all their support and love each and every day. Without that I would not be where I am at today.
One day at a time has been my motto, well sometimes it is a moment at a time. I have to remind myself this often and also try and keep myself busy. I hope that it gets easier soon. Having cancer definitely is on my mind daily. I have dreams/nightmares of the year I went through all my treatments. Some moments of 2008 have been a blur but are making their way back to me. I worry daily that this ache or this pain is another tumor…it could happen right? Doesn’t mean it will but it is something that weighs on my mind daily.
My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride and I apologize to anyone that I have offended or shown the dark side too. I am grateful to all of you who have stuck by me and love me for who I am. I love you all!
